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The MosQUITo Menace

Who has not seen mosquitoes?Creatures which have existed ever since the beginning of life on earth. Whenever that was?And they have been buzzing and biting and sucking for a living.
The wars (of course they are wars, would you miss an opportunity to swat a mosquito or does the mosquito ever not want to suck your blood.) have been going on for ever. They don't work as a group though, just imagine what would happen if a bunch of warrior mosquitoes plan and attack strategic locations of the human anatomy to inflict maximum pain or the sports mosquitoes which would have human lifting competitions or the bloodoholic( constantly drinking blood ) mosquitoes which would get so bloody drunk that they would totter, fall and lie sprawled on the walls.
Recently I followed some mosquitoes around
At the Bzzzzzz Pubbbbbb
Mosquito Girl(MG) (Extremely drunk) - Hey can I have one for the road?
Mosquito Barman(MB) - What Road? There ain't no roads here.
MG - Oh! Come on, jus get me one will ya...
MB - Will do if you pay your bloody debts. Just Buzz off...Till then
MG - arrrrgh!!! Alright!!! (Goes away in search of Bloody People)
As she is buzzing around she meets Mosquito Man. They fall in Love and the MG is asking the male to make love to her under the "Copulate to Populate" scheme(Female Mosquitoes take multiple partners, Most male mosquitoes die after they lose their virginity.I can just imagine if humans had the same kind of life cycle. Funny...Funny...)
MG - I want girls, they can destroy this earth by attempting to kill all other living forms
MM - But I will die if I copulate with you.
MG - Don't worry,your progeny shall populate this earth and we will eventually gain world control. You men have to sacrifice for the future of our race.
Saying so MG pins down MM to the ground and hurriedly mates with him and then flies off to find food for the young ones in her. She needs blood...and she is going to get it off the next blood hoarding creature.
It is in their nature to drink blood for the survival of their eggs. And we go about murdering these creatures who probably don't even see how you are bringing death upon them because of their bad eye sight.
We with our so called infinite knowledge have tried several forms to control them and kill them. Chemical warfare seems to top the list.But mosquitoes don't seem to quit, even though QUIT is their middle name. They simply develop resistance to the various human made chemicals. The latest(At least in India) is the mini badminton bats with small electrical charges passing through them. You have probably seen people frantically waving these bats in front of them like they are playing badminton. Now with all that equipment looks like mosquitoes still have the upper hand. Yeah...just like in the movies. They mutate. Soon they will be resistant to everything even to our badminton swatting.
The worst part about mosquitoes is that they attack you on home territory. Probably they were trained by Che Guevara in guerilla warfare, O!Sama rubbish Bin is Laden in terrorism and by Herr Fuhrer in the "The Aryan way of life."(Fast Attacks of terror by mosquitoes with infinite levels of over-confidence.) Generally human beings can bear these attacks with just a little itchy bitchy. But sometimes these non quitters decide to bombard us with their Weapons of Mass Destruction, or a Bio Terrorist Attack.
It is these attacks which lead to death if left uncared for.Mosquitoes are the reason for most number of human deaths due to an animal/insect in the world. Well is that shocking? Then please follow this blog. This is a two part series to educate people about "The Mosquito Menace." Especially in one of the most unreachable rural corners of India. JHARKHAND.



12 June 2008 at 20:54

I agree mosQUITo menace is terrible.They never quit.Netlon screens,Allouts,Electronic bats all these are not effective at my home.


12 June 2008 at 22:13

Thank God they dont have bloodathon like our very own vodkathon or rumathon!


13 June 2008 at 22:54

hilarious..read this post even as mosQUITos were biting me made it even better..ah! let me put that Allout on .. :)


14 June 2008 at 17:48

Copulate to Populate... Lol! This was a hilarious post!
When beautiful birds and animals keep joining the "extinct" list, I always wonder why Mosquitoes and cockroaches dont join that list! We should find some way to neuter the males!

  The Pseudonym

15 June 2008 at 10:03

@oldsailor of course nothing seems to work. They accept change and change accordingly. Still wondering where they fit into the ecological system.

@narain rumathon???Vodkathon. It is called Alcoholism.

@suhani Well mosquitoes have been after my life ever since I posted this. Looks like they want revenge or blood????

@sudhu They adapt to all the crap we dish out to them. Dude Neutering the male mosquitoes and I assure you the females will go for an all out war.


15 June 2008 at 11:00

Ha ha ha! U can try burning dried neem leaves in your house. It works! Even I cant be in the vicinity, dont think the mosquitoes stand a chance.

And it is eco friendly if you pardon the smoke.

  Sowmya :)

15 June 2008 at 15:59

so funny :D damn cool! waiting for part 2


15 June 2008 at 21:27

they sure do attack us in our home territoty but you know how v could tackle this? we could probably take them to enjoy an evening barbeque...lol
P.S my new page is up.

  The Pseudonym

16 June 2008 at 12:01

@ jolly roger that's informative. Planning to have a practical session this evening. Will you please be the guest of honor and "Start the Fire"

@sowmya 2nd part to be posted soon. It is dependant one other person though.

@Varun Alright dude you come back and then we can go to BBQ Nation. Of course it will be on you. And please bring the mosquitoes


19 June 2008 at 21:59

that was a really funny blog..
nice imagination must say.. unless you actually have learnt the language of mosquitoes.. :)

i can just picture mosquitoes joining the guerilla warfare and trying to attack their enemy.. tht would be soo cool.. hnnm it would then go off probably to the mib theme..


26 June 2008 at 16:24

the mail is in your inbox! so you can do the second part..

  Vik Rajagopalan

2 July 2008 at 09:00

By far the best mate [:)].. i was laughing my head off and the guerilla war fare was even better .. way to go bud

  The Pseudonym

2 July 2008 at 11:41

@vik thanks mate. It was fun writing it.