Nokia - Conning People The Nokia 1108 Story

Anyone can buy a white elephant,
But keeping it white takes a lot of effort!!!

So said some clever guy. So while you wonder why I am saying things like Nokia, Conning and White Elephant I realized I am crow shitting you people. I am just saying a bunch of crap, let me get to the point...

If you have read my Very FIRST POST, you will realise that I blog from the comfort of my Mobile Phone. Anywhere kind of blogging.(I've become senile, so I have to write things down immediately, lest... forgot what I had to say,am definitely senile) The phone is a NOKIA 9300 Communicator. Fans of the Communicator Series will realise this is a true blue business phone. And my life revolves around this dude. Anyways... even though he is a trusty phone, because of my non existent handling skills, he is all cracked up physically. Mentally he is as fit as a cat with who can smell the difference between Parmesan, Camembert and Ricotta cheese.

So I decided to find how much I would have to shell out to fix him up. Meanwhile my Grandfather's Nokia 1108 had run into troubled waters.(No....Not Water Logging, Just Not Powering On) So had to fix his phone too.

Place : Nokia Care, Mount Road Opp Anand Theatre

Time : Noon, April 2008

I am going to try Tanglish. i.e. Tamizh written in English. An English Translation is available in brackets.

As I walk in to the store I am stopped by a security guard.

SG - Enna vennum saar???(what do you want saar???)

Me - Neenga dhan vennum.(I want you.)

SG - Saar vilayadadheenga.(Saar don't play with me)

Me - Hayyo... hayyo... Mobile repair shopla edhukaga varuvanga???(Why do people come to a Nokia mobile service centre)

SG - Mobile repair pannava??? (To fix a Nokia Mobile)

Me - Ayyo, En Kaelveeku, maru kaelviya? Enna Kodumai Saar Idhu. (You are questioning my question???)

SG - Enna Phone model?(Which Phone Model?)

Me - (Showing him my grandfathers phone)Nokia 1108

SG - Saari saar idha laan inga repair pannamaatum. (Saari saar, we don't repair this model)

Me - Oh anna, neenga meesai mayilsamy and also repair rangasamya...???(So dude, you are Moustache Mayilsamy and Repair Rangasamy???)

SG - Illa naan security gawd mattum dhan... Indhanga unga number cheetu...Appadi poyi ukarunga (No I am just a security Guard...Here is your numbered ticket...Please sit there)

Me - Thank you...

So I grabbed the numbered ticket and got a seat. And I started chanting "Mera Number kab aayega???" and presto I was called within 5 minutes... Kind of surprised with the efficiency of the system they had in this place. But...Then...

Now another guard at another door examined the ticket given by the first guard. I think they have tried something something like a cinema hall. Someone issues a ticket. Then one guy checks it and let's you in and helps you settle in a seat.

SG2 - Saar Counter Number 4.

Me Wokay...

Now I am sitting in counter number 4 which apparently looks like a place where I would probably sell drugs to hardcore druggies. And I am sitting face to face with a service representative.

SR - Yes saar how can I help you? (after that question she was talking to her neighbour and fixing some night lamp)

Me - hmmmm Indha phone ON aga matingidhu...( This phone is not powering ON)

She just continues doing her stuff.

SR - Yes saar How can I help you???

Me - (Thinking) Should I take her trip starting now, Naah probably she is distracted... Don't lose your temper dude.

Me - Oh Phone ON aga matingidhu.(Phone is not powering On)

SR - Oh Indha modela saar. (Oh... this Model)

(And snatches the phone from my hand with a smirk on her face. Ofcourse it is the poor Nokia 1108.)

Now she asks her neighbour. Do we repair this model. For which she gets a "Yes but it will be treated as out of warranty."

SR - Saar repair panna Rs 600 aagum and 15days minimum aagum... (It will cost you 600 Rs and 15 days to fix it)

Me - Ok... But what exactly is the problem?

SR - Saar neenga dhan phone On aagilaenu soneenga.(Oh you told me it is not powering on)

Me - Yeah I know what I said. But nee eppadi ma conclusionuku vandha...???(But how did you come to the conclusion...???) about Rs 600 and 15 days minimum.

SR - Illa saar...(No saar...) this is the normal procedure.

Me - (Thinking) This female is just bull shitting me.She has no clue about what to do. Her trip starts now!!!

Me - Wokay let me help you. Will you check the battery please?

SR - Oh OK saar...

Now she turns to her neighbour again and asks for a test battery, which she fixes in the phone and switches it on and Voila!!! The phone does turn on. WOW!!!

Me - Is it still gonna take 15 days? Aama indha phoneukku speciala Nokia la battery pannuveengala??? Would you kindly emboss my name on that battery...

SR - No saar just change the battery. OK saar... (With a gigglish voice)

Me - Adhu evalavu aagum???(How much will that cost???)

SR - Rs 600 saar.

Me - Oh is it like take anything for 600 Rs...Strange. OK but is this battery good enough.

SR - No sir, it has gone bad...

Me - Idhu Phone repair Centrea, illa Josiyum centrea...(Is this a phone repair centre or do you guys crystal gaze?)

SR - Enna solreenga saar...?(What are you saying saar...?)

Me - Oh you are making a lot of predictions... (At this point I should have walked away from that place...But....)

To be Contd...
Photo Courtesy : www.fonearena.com/nokia-1108_40.html

Is It really Bye Bye Hoardings?

Hoardings have been part of the Chennai Skyline With some really good advertisements on them. Some of these hoardings have created hell for some people.(Like Me) Everyday on my way home and to office I encounter this ad for Moksha, whose tagline is "For Beautiful People..."

 

So the clever fellow that I am, decided to visit Moksha because it was like a guarantee that I was gonna meet beautiful people. But I guess people who shop there THINK they are beautiful, afterall beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Since my arms did not wanna behold any of them I decided they ain't beautiful. Moreover I am kind of half blind so I give a rats ass about beautiful women.

 

When a group of people decided that Ms. Rai Bachan and Ms.Sen should represent India at the Ms. World and Ms. Universe (What's the difference????) contests, I was wondering if I could sponsor the flower seller lady who delivered flowers everyday and the Maami's daughter living next door. After all we live in a country where everyman's ideal women should be a looker like Ms.Rai but with brains of a hen. But it is a fact that Most Indian women are dark and that's what is beautiful about them.

 

Why do men want Slim, Fair, Beautiful, Convent educated girls and why do women ask for NRI/Foreign settled, Handsome,Tall men. Most... Hmmmmmm yeah, this post was supposed to be about hoardings. I really got carried away. Lack of focus I should say.

 

So a lot of these hoardings have been removed and now I live in a new city. A city I've never seen sans hoardings.I was shocked to know that people were dying because of these hoardings being bought down. People who have little, tend to be wanting for money and this has led to their end of days while scavenging for steel/iron from these "bought down to their knees" hoardings. So now what happens to the people who fixed these hoardings. They will be looking for alternate ways to earn their money. Cleaning the buildings which were hidden behind these hoardings could be part of the solution. Apparently these hidden buildings seem to have forgotten to paint their walls. Music Academy and Church Park School can actually be seen from outside their walls now.

 

Wonder when we will have clean walls, free from posters about political parties and their thanni parties. Wonder when marriages will stop putting up larger than life images of the couple. Now, why are we advertising marriages? Well it is probably an open invitation for people to partake in the marriage feast.

 

Someone started this entire advertising on hoardings and it has been religiously followed by the monkeys.

 

Wonder what life would be like if we had monkeys in Chennai? Would they miss the hoardings???

I write poems?

I was leafing through my Book of Ideas(Yes, such a book Exists in my Private Library) and to my surprise I found these lines written on one of the pages. The handwriting is mine, though I don't remember when this happened... But still...

 

Poem 1

There are no Heavens

There are no Hells

No Judgement Days

Let Yourself Be.

 

Poem 2

I Love her

Hate her too

She drives me

Vibes with me

She ain't mine

But we still go on

And On

And On

 

Poem 3

You know nothing

You own nothing

You emerged from nothingness

 

So You Come

So you Go.

 

Poem 4

I dreamt of Riches

I dreamt of Bitches

I wasn't living a Life

I was living a dream.

 

Poem 5

I and My

Send them through the Sky

Know What You are...

Don't desire to kill your Desires.

 

Poem 6

So much Silence

It just gets to me

No Rumbles, No Noises

Just Silence

And it's simply too much.

 

Poem 7

I asked my mind to

Quieten Down please

It simply would'nt

Too much on the outside.

But...

That's not what I want

I wanna quieten down

From Within.

 

Well I don't know if I am allowed to call this poetry. It just looks like lines I just put together.I am trying hard to recollect how this happened.

 

Looks like I have 3 personalities in one body. Freaky... One is the Nameless Blogger. Second is the Poet and the third is the Money Maker. The Blogger and the Money Maker are friends but no one knows about the poet,Just the poems...

In The Summer Time

This is my first TAG... And I found it Very Hard and Tough.But I persisted and Have made my way through.

I was tagged a long time back BY ROFL .This is the message he left as a comment.

roflin onne tag panniyachu .. I hope that's how you say it..
Anyway, you've been tagged at www.rofl.co.in.. yeppadi? :D

That's a brave attempt at Tamil Written in English. A skill I've failed at miserably. My Cousin Sister inds it funny and she says I should make an effort to improve.

Anyways ROFLIN I have done it. Not A TAG VIRGIN Any More...

Taillines Today : So Mr. Nameless What was it like losing your Tag Virginity?
Nameless : Oh Just as I said Before "This is my first TAG... And I found it Very Hard and Tough.But I persisted and Have made my way through."
Taillines Today : Do You Have Anything else to say?
Nameless : Yeah you freakos. Stop making Sensations out of Nothing. It ain't a skill. It is A Kill...
And I would like to TAG Gayatri Gangsta Markiv and Nevermind and I will fight for World Peace...

The Rules are Simple
1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

SO Start Music... Dan danaka daka daka daka....

1. “If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”
Time - Hootie and the Blowfish " - Whatever they will make out of it.

2. “What would best describe your personality?”
Not The One - Collective Soul - Yeah I am not the bad one.

3. “What do you like in a guy/girl?”
Spiderman Theme - Aerosmith - Hmmmmmm Not a Spidey Fan

4. “How do you feel today?”
That Don't Impress me Much - Shania Twain - Yeah Nothing impresses me these days I am becoming a Slave Driver...

5. “What is your life’s purpose?”
Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams - Well I love listening to the song Was born 10 years later though.

6. “What is your motto?”
Tomorrow Never Dies - Theme Music - Why would it Die...Afterall Time and Tide wait for No One.

7. “What do your friends think of you?”
Aum Namah Shivayah - Alms for Shanthi - IS that what they think of me.I doubt it.

8. “What do you think of your parents?”
Jaded - Aerosmith - No Comments

9. “What do you think about very often?”
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne. - And Who is You. Shucks... Looks there should have been a you.

10. “What is 2+2?”
LIES - Diana King - That's right whatever the answer it is a LIE.

11. “What do you think of your best friend?”
In The End - Linkin Park - They Will be there right there at the end...

12. “What do you think of the person you like?”
We Will Rock You - Queen Yeah I really wanted to Rock Her... Till I realised... What did I realise????


13. “What is your life story?”
Funeral in Carpathia - Cradle of Filth - Am I gonna Die.Though Till now it has been more of a Funeral.

14. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm - Imagine my business Card Reads The Pseudonym - Smooth Criminal kewl with a Capital K

15. “What do you think when you see the person you like?”
Everything I do I do it for you. Who is this that I like? I generally Hate Everyone... Just Kidding.... Totally Dedicated to Friends.

16. “What do your parents think of you?”
Gettin' Jiggy With it. That I am Jiggy,Squigly

17. “What will you dance to at your wedding?”
Runaway - The Corrs Will not be Dancing, Will be Busy Running...

18. “What will they play at your funeral?”
Burning Bridges - Collective Soul Should it Not be More Like Burning The Nameless.

19. “What is your hobby/interest?”
St. Anger - Metallica Hmmmmm Interesting Hobby...Especially when you make a Saint out of it.

20. “What is your biggest secret?”
Beauty Slept in Sodom - Cradle of Filth Hmmmmm...... No Comments.

21. “What do you think of your friends?”
Tequila Sunrise - The Eagles Hah!!!! Yeah most of them can drink round the clock...

22. “What should you post this as?”
In The Summer Time - Shaggy - How apt for this Freakin' Hot Weather...

Birthday Wishes and Dreams

My Birthday is around the corner and there is a significance about the date. Yes thats right. Well that was the day the worlds greatest evil genius was born.... If, you know who it is then Claps... And a pat on the back. If not, you need to really brush up your General Knowledge...

 

I have a secret wish that no one knows of, atleast until now...I want to be a dictator. ( Till date I don't even dictate to a secretary, I do my own correspondence ) "So what can you do for this country?" you ask.

 

Here is a list of things that would happen...

 

• Police will be made to run and the corrupt ones shot all the way to hell. Courtesy Indian Army which will be under my command.
• Bus Drivers, Auto Drivers, Motorcyclists, Cyclists, Pedestrians breaking traffic rules and not respecting the fellow citizen will be dipped head first in hot wax and the hair waxed off their head.
• Only educated people will be allowed to enter politics and they will have to work their way to the top. They will start from being a clerk at my office.
• Terrorists will be given a packet of Original Thirunelveli Halwa and be asked to join the army as jawans, those who resist would be dipped head first in hot wax.
• Corrupt Officials would get a Citizens Arrest ( If there are citizen journalists then why not citizens arrest? )
• Farmers would really have their debts paid off but they will have to shift their way of farming and use the earthworm to plough the soil. Ox will not plough the fields they will help in drawing water from wells.
• Some villages still beat women, strip them naked and do all kinds of shit, such villages will be razed to the ground. if people can't stand up for their fellow citizen they are not fit to live.
• Wife Beaters, Child Molesters,Rapists, Drug Dealers Kidnappers, Dada, Underworld, Overworld, Picha Pakiris, Zam Bazzar Jakku's, Saidapettai Kokku's would be pardonned and given a chance to join the police those who resist will be given a molten steel bath...
• People who want to leave this country and become NRI's and eventually give birth to PBCD(Phoren Born Confused Desi) can gladly do so. But please leave with some dignity. Don't be forced to stand on platforms and beg for a Visa from some colorless ass.
• Prostitution will be made legal.And yes Service Tax will be applicable.
• Police will be on high alert, incase Jack the Ripper Strikes again.
• The judicial system will be fast tracked and if a case goes for appeal to a higher court of law then the judge who gave the judgement in the lower court will be given imposition and placed under the watchful eye of BIG Brother.
• Some news channels giving live news like Ms Karaana Kapoom is brushing her hair, cleaning her dog, drinking juice, eating food etc will be banned and their thumbs removed for good.
• People who urinate on roads will be castrated, as the thought of without the hanging there can be no banging is unthinkable.

 

Any attempts to assasinate me will be received well. But remember that at any given point I will have 5 people impersonating me. Ofcourse if you fail I will give you three more lives and make a game out of you.

 

Some facts about me.

 

1. I claim to be a vegetarian.

2. I used to have a Labrador named Hobbes and I used to play Calvin with him.

3. I don't understand the idea of marriage.

4. Drawing,Sketching, Painting,Photography,Swimming used to be my favourite activities.

5.I don't follow Cricket, Infact I don't follow any game.

6.I play Tennis and love the game to bits

7.I have ideas which can probably be funded only by the richest man in the world.

8.I don't pay alms to child beggars.

9.I don't pity anyone.

10. I have great friends, some as crazy as me.

11. I never wanted to leave this country.

12. I love anything blue.

13. I don't like cats.

14. I am a chocolate addict

14.5. I am turning double that number this year

15 I forget to wish people on their birthdays and anniversaries.

 

I do welcome gifts in any form. Just leave a comment and I will collect it from you personally. Don't forget it is April 20th.

 

"Self Publicity is Best Publicity"

The 6th Chennai Photowalk - The Photos

Wow!!! I just got back from the Sixth Chennai Photowalk(The Photos I clicked are Here). It was amazing not just because of the photos you take or the people you meet. It is an awesome experience because of the amount of fun you have and you do it at your own pace. (Did you know that Adam Sandler has sung a song "At a Medium Pace"? Only for the open Minded though). Everything was so cool the walk, the hassle by the cops, the people I met and of course the photo taking part itself. The weather was the only uncool factor actually.

Anyways the chennai photowalk has gained a lot of momentum and It feels good to just have fun in the sun. It reminded me of summer holidays during school when I would aimlessly roam the streets of Chennai in the hot sun. In fact I even met up with one of my old neighbours from Egmore, Aravind. Small World as he put it. There were Chandrachoodan, Jai, Aadisht, Vikram, Varun, Anand, Gayathri and lots and lots of people. By the time we were through with the walking and talking and photo taking we were so freakingly tired we had to take the MRTS (Mass Rapid Transport System) from Thiruvanmiyur to Kasturba Nagar. ( I was relieved to see my rickety old car still in place and not molested by any crooks)

Most people decided to head back home. But there were 6 famished people and we decided to eat at Anokhi's on Chamiers Road. So Fun and Food is such a deadly combo I am just gonna hit the bed nooooooowwwwwww............


Click Here for the Photos
Click Here for the News Article in Deccan Chronicle

Coming Up : What!!!! I can't take pictures of my City?

Lazy

I wanted to name this post Procrastination but was too lazy to type those letters out... Hmmm But I did actually end up typing it out. Lazy and now stupid. Well what do I say? I was checking out all the blogs that I have started to type out, but have actually not posted. I have about 20 posts in the making.

 

I don't know what to say... My 5th class Teacher Dolly David once told my mother "Your son is such a gentleman. But he is a very lazy fellow." My mom said "Oh madam, even when he was a kid he would be on his own, reading. He is as you said LAZY, and very anti social."

 

So the traits were there even when I was a baby. Why get agitated about what people have to say? Be lazy, it is the most selfish, self-centred thing you can do. But we have to be selfish to stay alive in the short term. Well if you wanna be an immortal, feel free to mail me at kumarbac [at] gmail [dot] com.

 

Should be back to lazing and continue being selfish. BYE!!!

6th Chennai Photowalk _ Starting on OMR

I kept reading about Chandrachoodan Gopalakrishnan from so many blogs and I have been reading his posts for about 3 Weeks now.And I do indeed find them very interesting. So when he called this month to take up our cameras and then go crazy on Old Mahabalipuram Road Starting at Madhya Kailash, I decided I gotta be doing this.

So I will be walking the walk and clicking the clicks. A Sunday that's gonna be spent well...

It is on April 13th 2008 starts at 0800hrs as of now. I will be there on time. What about you?

To Read Chandroo 's post announcing the Photowalk Click Here

Meet You All there...

Me - Conked... Zonked... Tonked...

So what's this conked word got to do with Me. I know... People who look chronically stoned should not be described with a minion word like Conked. But the fact remains that I got conked... First it happened yesterday. Then it happened today. I have been contemplating about dialling the magic number 100 (It's magical because the call lands in a police control room, where no one hears the phone ringing because they are busy with more important things.) and tell them I am Zonked. So what happened to me...

 

'Cause of my decreasing fitness levels I decided to revive playing tennis after 11 long years. So I pulled out my Rusty... (Sorry!!) Trusty Tennis Racquet (If you are wondering about the brand... It is a Wilson Nemesis) picked up my tennis shoes and enrolled myself in the TNTA Club in Egmore. My game has become a miniscule fraction of what it used to be. Changes... My body and mind were totally unfocussed.

 

Mind - Hey that's an easy forehand stroke.Why don't you pick it up and you know where to place it.

Body - Hey you think it is easy to even reach for the shot.

Mind - Of course man.

Body - Tell you what. you go play mental tennis.

Mind - And what are you gonna do?

Body - Those benches look comfortable, I am gonna go have a siesta.

Mind - Siesta is after a meal, usually in the afternoon.

Body - MIND your own business please. Don't teach me languages. Get lost.

But my mind has a mind of it's own. It made my body play for 60 long minutes. I love the game so much, that I have not complained to a soul about my body Aches.(Still ain't complaining, just blogging)

 

So it is the aches that make me feel Tonked off.

Yenna Daaktur Thambi...

Some friends stick with you since you were a child. Some join you when you are half way through life and yet they add that extra perspective and show that they care for you, even though you are such an ass.

 

My Australian Friend has left to take up permanent residency in Australia. Well he is not Aussie by birth, but he fell in love with that country and their cricket team. I was excited that he is leaving to take up residence there for the past couple of weeks that I wanted to make that movie with him. Of course I was gonna be the Director. Anyways that project never took off, probably never will.

 

Dai Doctor Thambi, Please take care of the white people, man. And yeah do send pics of some Good looking Aussie Chicks... Cheers Mate... And my best wishes for a great life ahead in Kangaroo Country.