Hey brotha's and sistahs

I have finally taken that step. A step which will take me further in life. A step I had been afraid to take. I am finally moving into my own place. I love this place (http://atthealtar.blogspot.com) where my life has changed dramatically. But life is all about change. How else would you explain MY moving to another place in life.

1. I have changed careers

2. I have moved to my own blog address -

http://www.aravindkumar.com

Yeah that's what the world calls me, Aravind Kumar. I liked my pseudonym "The Pseudonym" yeah I was trying to make a name for myself. I will keep this an ad free site. But you people can still contribute to save my communicator.Because I just have to figure out a way to moblog.

See ya all @ http://www.aravindkumar.com

Love ya people!!!

In Cold Rain

I wonder when it rains,

Does she feel suicidal

Is it an accident

Or Is it murder

 

No, I know what it is,

There is a Serial Killer

Hidden Deep in the clouds

Dropping them down

 

In Cold Rain

The 8th Chennai Photowalk

I have been in this city for 29 Years now. But there are a lot of places I have never been to. Topping the list would be Panagal park and I finally got to visit the park (It was the starting point of the 8th Chennai Photowalk.) Suprisingly the park is clean. There were even a few people who had come there to spend their evening.. I landed inside Panagal Park really early(Keeping up with my craze for punctuality) and was introduced to a Sharanya Manivannan by Chandroo, I actually needed 10 minutes to figure out who she is. I think I should get myself admitted to some Old Age Home.

Photographers started gathering around the bust of King George V and the walk started out at about 1730 hrs. Lots of fun. We stopped at Madras Bhel Puri for a snack break at about 1900 hrs before continuing towards the Residency Towers which was our Destination.

Dilip has been working with the Aravanis( If you don't remember Priya Babu from the 7th Chennai Photowalk click here) and the Aravanis need funding to setup an office. Dillip is passionate about his work and he gave a long talk about the History of the Aravanis and the problems they are facing (which will need a post by itself)

The walk ended at about 2000hrs. As usual "A Sunday Well Spent"
Yes We will be doing the walk again on June 22nd 2008, do join us. It is fun guaranteed and you might even find Long Lost Friends and Old Neighbours. (I met Aravind during the 6th Photowalk and yesterday I met Pradeep.)

Click here for my Flickr Photostream.

The MosQUITo Menace

Who has not seen mosquitoes?Creatures which have existed ever since the beginning of life on earth. Whenever that was?And they have been buzzing and biting and sucking for a living.

The wars (of course they are wars, would you miss an opportunity to swat a mosquito or does the mosquito ever not want to suck your blood.) have been going on for ever. They don't work as a group though, just imagine what would happen if a bunch of warrior mosquitoes plan and attack strategic locations of the human anatomy to inflict maximum pain or the sports mosquitoes which would have human lifting competitions or the bloodoholic( constantly drinking blood ) mosquitoes which would get so bloody drunk that they would totter, fall and lie sprawled on the walls.

Recently I followed some mosquitoes around

At the Bzzzzzz Pubbbbbb

Mosquito Girl(MG) (Extremely drunk) - Hey can I have one for the road?

Mosquito Barman(MB) - What Road? There ain't no roads here.

MG - Oh! Come on, jus get me one will ya...

MB - Will do if you pay your bloody debts. Just Buzz off...Till then

MG - arrrrgh!!! Alright!!! (Goes away in search of Bloody People)

As she is buzzing around she meets Mosquito Man. They fall in Love and the MG is asking the male to make love to her under the "Copulate to Populate" scheme(Female Mosquitoes take multiple partners, Most male mosquitoes die after they lose their virginity.I can just imagine if humans had the same kind of life cycle. Funny...Funny...)

MG - I want girls, they can destroy this earth by attempting to kill all other living forms

MM - But I will die if I copulate with you.

MG - Don't worry,your progeny shall populate this earth and we will eventually gain world control. You men have to sacrifice for the future of our race.

Saying so MG pins down MM to the ground and hurriedly mates with him and then flies off to find food for the young ones in her. She needs blood...and she is going to get it off the next blood hoarding creature.

It is in their nature to drink blood for the survival of their eggs. And we go about murdering these creatures who probably don't even see how you are bringing death upon them because of their bad eye sight.

We with our so called infinite knowledge have tried several forms to control them and kill them. Chemical warfare seems to top the list.But mosquitoes don't seem to quit, even though QUIT is their middle name. They simply develop resistance to the various human made chemicals. The latest(At least in India) is the mini badminton bats with small electrical charges passing through them. You have probably seen people frantically waving these bats in front of them like they are playing badminton. Now with all that equipment looks like mosquitoes still have the upper hand. Yeah...just like in the movies. They mutate. Soon they will be resistant to everything even to our badminton swatting.

The worst part about mosquitoes is that they attack you on home territory. Probably they were trained by Che Guevara in guerilla warfare, O!Sama rubbish Bin is Laden in terrorism and by Herr Fuhrer in the "The Aryan way of life."(Fast Attacks of terror by mosquitoes with infinite levels of over-confidence.) Generally human beings can bear these attacks with just a little itchy bitchy. But sometimes these non quitters decide to bombard us with their Weapons of Mass Destruction, or a Bio Terrorist Attack.

It is these attacks which lead to death if left uncared for.Mosquitoes are the reason for most number of human deaths due to an animal/insect in the world. Well is that shocking? Then please follow this blog. This is a two part series to educate people about "The Mosquito Menace." Especially in one of the most unreachable rural corners of India. JHARKHAND.

Went, Met and Had Fun

Oh yeah! (that's the title of the Ultimate Aerosmith Hits Album)went for the Chennai Indibloggers Meet and Wow!!! It was fun. I took my Handycam along and have shot almost the entire blog meet. To access the Indibloggers Chennai Meet Page Click Here.

First a Roll call to identify people who I supposedly know or those blogs I had visited at some point of time.

Roll call

Sowmya - She is a very shy lady from Mumbai, I have her doing the indiblogger jig on my handycam.Will post if she let's me post it.

Varun - Varun and Me were the first to arrive. We came in at 1500 hrs. And we guys even introduced ourselves to the Banquet Hall guy, Vipin.

Sathyanarain - This dude pestered me for dinner. And I had to cave in to his requests. (Shucks...I am such a nice guy)

Chandrachoodan - "thalai" of Chennai Photowalk fame

Anju Sabu - I really wanted to meet her and give the balli muttais, but missed her. Too bad there were other toffees in it too.

Lemonade - Friendly girl and now we know her real name.

Kiruba - I could not really catch him. I have always wanted to ask him about his cycling and take some tips from him.

Vatsan - This guy knows eateries in nooks and corners of Chennai.

Shilika - This girl was actually threatening Satyanarain for whatever reason. But I think she is a very sweet girl.

Rohit - Met this guy here for the first time. He actually ditched his Maruti Swift and bloggers headed by BG got it out of the ditch for him. Got that on Video too.

Joel Suganth - A painter and photographer has amazing talent.

Aparajith Raman - He blogs at Vodka Chai. I assumed he was older than what he looks.

Sandhya Rajan - A very sweet girl. She represents Microsoft and gave us a presentation on Windows Live Writer.

Sudamshu - Fellow Photowalker and a nice dude.

Now Absentee's List (No Hall Ticket for you people. Dont ask me for which hall??? I might be forced to say Naidu Hall - Naihaa) People who I wanted to meet but did not turn up.

Chutney and Vanilla Vats - These girls were missed by almost everyone.( Why did you girls give so much build up huh!!! :(

Ketaki Chandrashekhar

Attendance Over. Now Start Lesson

After Lemonade's introduction, and Introduction of the Indiblogger team (they are funny), Renie Ravin told us the story of how a bottle of Old Monk Rum changed their lives(Guys, what is bottled in Old Monk is not just Rum there is enlightenment in it.)

One minute of Fame: You get a minute more or less, timing partner was Mummy Times with their latest model of sand clock from Egypt. A lot of people came forward and introduced themselves and their blogs, while some did not. (Were you nervous guys?) That done it was time for a much needed break.

We broke off for snacks and Tea and interacted with a few bloggers. Saw this dude who was clicking his way to glory. Well, I got a picture of him while he was busy shooting my pic.

Break over, I gave a small presentation on mobile blogging. Well if any one did understand thanks people and to the rest thanks for attempting to listen to it. If any one wants to moblog get in touch with me I will be glad to assist you.

Then came in the Reblz a theatre group, they presented a play which had us in splits. Funny one guys. The Reblz have a blog and here is their take on the Indiblogger Chennai Meet That done we had the play by the Indiblogger team. Over... Next. A presentation by Sandhya Rajan about Microsoft's Live Writer. While that was being done a lot of bloggers were collecting their T-Shirts and starting to leave.

So the few who were left cheered for the Indiblogger team led by Lemonade. Then the remaining few got a group photo. And we left... Happy that we had met so many bloggers. Super Fun. Cheers!!! Let the Good times Rule.

P.S.: Ofcourse there were too many people and I am in the process of finding them all and will then start serial killing. *Evil Laughter*

Group Photo : Thanks to Sathyanarain. Click here (FLICKR) to see the names of people in that photo. I don't know the name of two girls. Some one Help me here please.

Update : For some reason my brain does not work as well as it used to. How could I forget to mention Shoonyata He writes amazing Poetry and Ashwini A Software Engineer.

Announcements... Read on Please...

Announcements Announcements... This is what I have made out of this blog space. This has become like the poor walls of Chennai where different political party and cinema posters are posted.Posters which shout out to the poor denizens of this city to go watch movies or to attend a party meeting. Some posters which never escape your eye are the ones which advertise for Moolam(Piles) and this particular poster has a list of other male genital related diseases which can be cured.

Well I am really a blah blah writer who lacks focus and makes spelling and grammatical mistakes. (Hey Why am I going off tangents...) Habit I suppose.

So The Indiblogger's meet is happening this Sunday.(Finally) the meet which has been proposed by Lemonade, sponsored by Microsoft, and organized by the Indiblogger Team is supposed to bring bloggers together so that they can interact exchange notes, have lots of fun and ofcourse make friends.

I was questioned a few days back by a septic...oops sceptic about the relevance of blogs and why do people need to blog. Is it not a waste of time and energy which
could probably be used for more useful activities. Should not the younger generation be going out and interacting and meeting people instead of blogging. I just had this to tell him,

Me - Why do people need education?

Him - To gain knowledge, to make money later.

Me - Those, are very interesting answers if and only if
you are talking to someone who is painfully stupid.

Him - What do you Mean?

Me - Because of the simple fact that you need none of those to have a life. And it makes me sad that you would be so ignorant.

Him - Explain please...

Me - If you think knowledge is got through education then it is a big NO. Experience is Knowledge and life is a sum of your experiences Going through life everyday, falling down, jumping with joy, being sad, loving someone dearly, hating someone fiercely. All these will add up to a life. So that when you have to leave this world, you will be a fulfilled man.

Him - So how is education related to blogging?

Me - It is related and you have to experience it. But you being an professor can't explain why people get educated.And it is your bread and butter and jam and cheese. Why do I have to explain about the relevance of blogs and why people need to blog. Some things simply can't be explained for example If I tell someone that doing a 180kmph in my car is an exhilarating experience, how would he/she know what I wanna convey unless he/she has had a similar experience. So If you don't understand something please don't question it's relevance and why the younger generation needs to do it. Try to Experience it. And you will simply be overwhelmed Life is very simple and things like generation gap which causes you to ask irrelevant questions is because you are scared of change. You want your children to do the same things you did. Because you think life is some kind of formula...

The person was actually stunned and did not know what to say. I was stunned and all I could say was "Excuse me, could you put these posters up please." And all he did was nodded his head and gave me a big smile. I hope the posters did not end up in the trash can. Because it was the Indiblogger Posters announcing the meet. WIll update once I go there and check it out.

Also the 8th Chennai Photowalk has been announced by Selective Amnesia. It is an interesting route, it's happening in the evening starting 1700hrs and it is happening on two Sundays the 15th and the 22nd of June. So come loaded with your cameras and the one with the oldest digital camera will get a special gift from me. If you are interested in taking part please leave a comment.

The Indiblogger.in logo has been grabbed from the Indiblogger Website.

FIRE AND FORGET - An Evening of Jazz

Pre Concert : Varun and I were one of the first guys at the hall.(I believe in punctuality.)The show started an hour late, we guys shot some pictures while the group was testing their equipment.

THE CONCERT : Lets jazz it all up. Yes I am sitting in the Ball Room at the Taj Coramandel listening to some awesome soul stirring jazz music by Julien Lourau. Am enjoying the evening.

Julien is a musician who knows his audience. Really amazing music.And the snippets he tells us in between his music is truly captivating. The show is called "Fire and Forget" it's organised by Taj Coramandel in association with Alliance Francaise of Madras.

Post Concert : Fire and Forget is about how the British Fire missiles and then forget about them. Really awesome music for these war filled times. It is a known fact that the French are not really fond of the British. He even has a song which is titled "Messieurs les anglais, tirez les premiers" (Hey english men, you fire first) This is what Napoleon had to say while fighting the numerous wars with the British.

In the End : He did what every true artist does "Left the audience wanting for more."

P.S.: The Band Members
Julien Lourau - Saxaphone
Eric Lohrer - Guitar
Sylvain Daniel - Double Bass
Garcia Bruno - Drums
Bojan Z - Keyboard

The BIG Sunday Walk

Walking by itself is something I sincerely hate, but given good company or a camera or good music I can walk for hours together.

With nothing great to do on Sunday morning (I woke up at 0500hrs) I decided to take a walk, a walk which would cover Napier's Bridge, Chepauk Palace, Madras University, Parthasarathy Temple, Presidency College, Kannagi Statue, The War Memorial, Fort St. George and finally St. Mary's Church.

I know I overdid the walk. But what's life without some whims and fancies. I now have about 200 photos from the walk. Which I enjoyed a lot.

P.S.: Wondering if I should buy a bicycle and then call these sessions "Photocycling." Or if I should get my Zenit E SLR fixed.

Afterall I am a man of limited means.

"Customer (S)Care" The Funny "Nano Short" Play

For some reason I have been made to believe that I can write in English. Well that's blasphemy by itself. Now I also believe that I can Write and Act in a French Play.

About 3 Weeks back my A2 Level Teacher Mme Gisele at Alliance Francaise de Madras
told that we as a class have to do something for the Fete de l'ete (The Summer Festival) at the AFM. So the class decided to do a play and I for reasons beyond my control and understanding wrote a rough play in English. (It was so rough that I actually scraped my elbow while writing it. Read Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 and Page 4 of the play - English Version ) Anyways... We managed to translate that to French with the help of Mme Gisele of course and went on to decide who would play which part.

This was what we decided.

Customer 1 Siddarth
Customer 2 Catherine
The Security Guard The Pseudonym,(Yeah that's me people)
The Manager InbaShekhar
The Service Representative Gomati Shankar

We had tonnes of fun practising for the play. Though after 3 days of getting our lines, the intonation and placement right we figured out that the play just lasted for 2mins and 15 seconds. So while I asked people to slow their dialogue delivery Siddarth came up with "French is a Fast Language" though I was bursting to tell "Well but we ain't French, are we?" I did not because Siddarth is the kid of the class and damn near brilliant.(He did get on my nerves once though by going yippity yippity yap.) So we added some lines and worked some more till we were quite satisfied with the end result. We were going to take centre stage for exactly 3 minutes on The D - Day.

Now I have to introduce two very important characters who helped us during the play. Latha was going to be the Narrator and Divya was going to prepare the Boards and Signs that we needed.( Though there was no news from Divya and no Sign from Heaven that she was going to turn up 30 minutes after the actual play with the boards, So Siddarth and Inbashekhar were given the responsibility of making the Boards and the Signs.)

So we enacted the play at around 1815 hrs on Friday the 16th at the Alliance Francaise Open Air Theater, to the background score of Chennai Traffic on College Road and with failed microphones. It lasted somewhere in the vicinity of 3 minutes. And we got some of Catherine's friends to hold the Title board for us. Thanks Kiddos. As usual I forgot to get their names...

Well I should say we were indeed lucky. We breezed in and out of centre stage, our audience was primarily kids, and I don't think anyone understood us. We were all happy that we were not treated to rotten eggs and tomatoes. Though no one clapped for us either.

One more thing during our so called practice sessions we ate and drank a lot of stuff from Yusuf's "La Cantine" at the Alliance Francaise. His Cakes are simply amazing. Check them out if you are a foodie. Try Saturdays. Other days you can hardly reach beyond the canteen doors.

Click Here to watch a voiceless us chatting away to glory.

I Disappear...

I have not visited blogs,

I have not written here

Why you may ask?

None I will say

Flickr took some Time,

My Work, Neglected

Looked at me sore

Ready to yell it's lore.

But still, I could not stop thinking

Of my Blog waiting,

To get me On The Altar

And to Sacrifice me some more.

I have too many works in progress, Suffered some bad health, Wrote and enacted a super short play, Been busy... a Busy Bee at Work. **sigh!!!** My Life...

The Seventh Chennai Photowalk The Photos

Went for the Seventh Chennai Photowalk on Sunday. It was loads of fun because

1. We started early. 0600 hrs on Sunday was quite nice.

2. There were people around us and it feels nice when there is so much activity.The kind of people I saw was so varied.(Like the Maami wearing Saree and shoes and taking her routine morning walk)

3. This time my cousins Ajay and Aishwarya joined me.

4. Took some nice pictures.( Click Here for The Photos)

5. I really like the thatha(oldman with intense stare, lighting a cigarette),the one where Santhome Basilica has a Halo .(Oh!!!it is just the Sun), and the Photo of MTC's 12B Bus Service.(I almost got runover taking that photo) and of course the homeless old lady, really touched a nerve.

But the most interesting part was that we were joined by two really wonderful people. PriyaBabu and her friend. They are actually Aravanis (Transexuals). It is such a tough life for them. But they live it with a smile. And we had a wonderful conversation. Was so engrossed in the conversation I forgot to capture them with the oldest digital camera in the photowalk.

If anyone wants to help them in any form do leave a comment and I will pass on their contact information.

Dilip has some really good Pictures of them.

Am Still figuring out Flickr Options!!!

Another Sunday well spent.

Group Picture Courtesy Kunal Daswani
Thanks to Bitter Scotch for pointing out "The lack of courtesy"

The Seventh Chennai Photowalk

The next Chennai Photowalk is happening on May 11th 2008 and the news is it starts at 0600hrs. The Route is from Mylapore's Kapaleshwarar Temple to The Basilica of National Shrine of St. Thomas(Santhome Church!!!).

The Original Invitation from the guy with Selective Amnesia can be accessed here.

The walk is tonnes of fun. So wanna join, just be there. No joining fees, no club membership needed, no cameras needed(though if you bring a digital camera thats older than my Olympus I will buy you breakfast at Saravana Bhavan) just turn up at 0600Hrs on Sunday Morning.


For the Previous Photowalk Photos Click Here

Conditions Apply for the Oldest Digital Camera Contest. Just Leave a Comment if you'd like to participate.

Nokia - Conning People The Nokia 1108 Story

Anyone can buy a white elephant,
But keeping it white takes a lot of effort!!!

So said some clever guy. So while you wonder why I am saying things like Nokia, Conning and White Elephant I realized I am crow shitting you people. I am just saying a bunch of crap, let me get to the point...

If you have read my Very FIRST POST, you will realise that I blog from the comfort of my Mobile Phone. Anywhere kind of blogging.(I've become senile, so I have to write things down immediately, lest... forgot what I had to say,am definitely senile) The phone is a NOKIA 9300 Communicator. Fans of the Communicator Series will realise this is a true blue business phone. And my life revolves around this dude. Anyways... even though he is a trusty phone, because of my non existent handling skills, he is all cracked up physically. Mentally he is as fit as a cat with who can smell the difference between Parmesan, Camembert and Ricotta cheese.

So I decided to find how much I would have to shell out to fix him up. Meanwhile my Grandfather's Nokia 1108 had run into troubled waters.(No....Not Water Logging, Just Not Powering On) So had to fix his phone too.

Place : Nokia Care, Mount Road Opp Anand Theatre

Time : Noon, April 2008

I am going to try Tanglish. i.e. Tamizh written in English. An English Translation is available in brackets.

As I walk in to the store I am stopped by a security guard.

SG - Enna vennum saar???(what do you want saar???)

Me - Neenga dhan vennum.(I want you.)

SG - Saar vilayadadheenga.(Saar don't play with me)

Me - Hayyo... hayyo... Mobile repair shopla edhukaga varuvanga???(Why do people come to a Nokia mobile service centre)

SG - Mobile repair pannava??? (To fix a Nokia Mobile)

Me - Ayyo, En Kaelveeku, maru kaelviya? Enna Kodumai Saar Idhu. (You are questioning my question???)

SG - Enna Phone model?(Which Phone Model?)

Me - (Showing him my grandfathers phone)Nokia 1108

SG - Saari saar idha laan inga repair pannamaatum. (Saari saar, we don't repair this model)

Me - Oh anna, neenga meesai mayilsamy and also repair rangasamya...???(So dude, you are Moustache Mayilsamy and Repair Rangasamy???)

SG - Illa naan security gawd mattum dhan... Indhanga unga number cheetu...Appadi poyi ukarunga (No I am just a security Guard...Here is your numbered ticket...Please sit there)

Me - Thank you...

So I grabbed the numbered ticket and got a seat. And I started chanting "Mera Number kab aayega???" and presto I was called within 5 minutes... Kind of surprised with the efficiency of the system they had in this place. But...Then...

Now another guard at another door examined the ticket given by the first guard. I think they have tried something something like a cinema hall. Someone issues a ticket. Then one guy checks it and let's you in and helps you settle in a seat.

SG2 - Saar Counter Number 4.

Me Wokay...

Now I am sitting in counter number 4 which apparently looks like a place where I would probably sell drugs to hardcore druggies. And I am sitting face to face with a service representative.

SR - Yes saar how can I help you? (after that question she was talking to her neighbour and fixing some night lamp)

Me - hmmmm Indha phone ON aga matingidhu...( This phone is not powering ON)

She just continues doing her stuff.

SR - Yes saar How can I help you???

Me - (Thinking) Should I take her trip starting now, Naah probably she is distracted... Don't lose your temper dude.

Me - Oh Phone ON aga matingidhu.(Phone is not powering On)

SR - Oh Indha modela saar. (Oh... this Model)

(And snatches the phone from my hand with a smirk on her face. Ofcourse it is the poor Nokia 1108.)

Now she asks her neighbour. Do we repair this model. For which she gets a "Yes but it will be treated as out of warranty."

SR - Saar repair panna Rs 600 aagum and 15days minimum aagum... (It will cost you 600 Rs and 15 days to fix it)

Me - Ok... But what exactly is the problem?

SR - Saar neenga dhan phone On aagilaenu soneenga.(Oh you told me it is not powering on)

Me - Yeah I know what I said. But nee eppadi ma conclusionuku vandha...???(But how did you come to the conclusion...???) about Rs 600 and 15 days minimum.

SR - Illa saar...(No saar...) this is the normal procedure.

Me - (Thinking) This female is just bull shitting me.She has no clue about what to do. Her trip starts now!!!

Me - Wokay let me help you. Will you check the battery please?

SR - Oh OK saar...

Now she turns to her neighbour again and asks for a test battery, which she fixes in the phone and switches it on and Voila!!! The phone does turn on. WOW!!!

Me - Is it still gonna take 15 days? Aama indha phoneukku speciala Nokia la battery pannuveengala??? Would you kindly emboss my name on that battery...

SR - No saar just change the battery. OK saar... (With a gigglish voice)

Me - Adhu evalavu aagum???(How much will that cost???)

SR - Rs 600 saar.

Me - Oh is it like take anything for 600 Rs...Strange. OK but is this battery good enough.

SR - No sir, it has gone bad...

Me - Idhu Phone repair Centrea, illa Josiyum centrea...(Is this a phone repair centre or do you guys crystal gaze?)

SR - Enna solreenga saar...?(What are you saying saar...?)

Me - Oh you are making a lot of predictions... (At this point I should have walked away from that place...But....)

To be Contd...
Photo Courtesy : www.fonearena.com/nokia-1108_40.html

Is It really Bye Bye Hoardings?

Hoardings have been part of the Chennai Skyline With some really good advertisements on them. Some of these hoardings have created hell for some people.(Like Me) Everyday on my way home and to office I encounter this ad for Moksha, whose tagline is "For Beautiful People..."

 

So the clever fellow that I am, decided to visit Moksha because it was like a guarantee that I was gonna meet beautiful people. But I guess people who shop there THINK they are beautiful, afterall beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Since my arms did not wanna behold any of them I decided they ain't beautiful. Moreover I am kind of half blind so I give a rats ass about beautiful women.

 

When a group of people decided that Ms. Rai Bachan and Ms.Sen should represent India at the Ms. World and Ms. Universe (What's the difference????) contests, I was wondering if I could sponsor the flower seller lady who delivered flowers everyday and the Maami's daughter living next door. After all we live in a country where everyman's ideal women should be a looker like Ms.Rai but with brains of a hen. But it is a fact that Most Indian women are dark and that's what is beautiful about them.

 

Why do men want Slim, Fair, Beautiful, Convent educated girls and why do women ask for NRI/Foreign settled, Handsome,Tall men. Most... Hmmmmmm yeah, this post was supposed to be about hoardings. I really got carried away. Lack of focus I should say.

 

So a lot of these hoardings have been removed and now I live in a new city. A city I've never seen sans hoardings.I was shocked to know that people were dying because of these hoardings being bought down. People who have little, tend to be wanting for money and this has led to their end of days while scavenging for steel/iron from these "bought down to their knees" hoardings. So now what happens to the people who fixed these hoardings. They will be looking for alternate ways to earn their money. Cleaning the buildings which were hidden behind these hoardings could be part of the solution. Apparently these hidden buildings seem to have forgotten to paint their walls. Music Academy and Church Park School can actually be seen from outside their walls now.

 

Wonder when we will have clean walls, free from posters about political parties and their thanni parties. Wonder when marriages will stop putting up larger than life images of the couple. Now, why are we advertising marriages? Well it is probably an open invitation for people to partake in the marriage feast.

 

Someone started this entire advertising on hoardings and it has been religiously followed by the monkeys.

 

Wonder what life would be like if we had monkeys in Chennai? Would they miss the hoardings???

I write poems?

I was leafing through my Book of Ideas(Yes, such a book Exists in my Private Library) and to my surprise I found these lines written on one of the pages. The handwriting is mine, though I don't remember when this happened... But still...

 

Poem 1

There are no Heavens

There are no Hells

No Judgement Days

Let Yourself Be.

 

Poem 2

I Love her

Hate her too

She drives me

Vibes with me

She ain't mine

But we still go on

And On

And On

 

Poem 3

You know nothing

You own nothing

You emerged from nothingness

 

So You Come

So you Go.

 

Poem 4

I dreamt of Riches

I dreamt of Bitches

I wasn't living a Life

I was living a dream.

 

Poem 5

I and My

Send them through the Sky

Know What You are...

Don't desire to kill your Desires.

 

Poem 6

So much Silence

It just gets to me

No Rumbles, No Noises

Just Silence

And it's simply too much.

 

Poem 7

I asked my mind to

Quieten Down please

It simply would'nt

Too much on the outside.

But...

That's not what I want

I wanna quieten down

From Within.

 

Well I don't know if I am allowed to call this poetry. It just looks like lines I just put together.I am trying hard to recollect how this happened.

 

Looks like I have 3 personalities in one body. Freaky... One is the Nameless Blogger. Second is the Poet and the third is the Money Maker. The Blogger and the Money Maker are friends but no one knows about the poet,Just the poems...

In The Summer Time

This is my first TAG... And I found it Very Hard and Tough.But I persisted and Have made my way through.

I was tagged a long time back BY ROFL .This is the message he left as a comment.

roflin onne tag panniyachu .. I hope that's how you say it..
Anyway, you've been tagged at www.rofl.co.in.. yeppadi? :D

That's a brave attempt at Tamil Written in English. A skill I've failed at miserably. My Cousin Sister inds it funny and she says I should make an effort to improve.

Anyways ROFLIN I have done it. Not A TAG VIRGIN Any More...

Taillines Today : So Mr. Nameless What was it like losing your Tag Virginity?
Nameless : Oh Just as I said Before "This is my first TAG... And I found it Very Hard and Tough.But I persisted and Have made my way through."
Taillines Today : Do You Have Anything else to say?
Nameless : Yeah you freakos. Stop making Sensations out of Nothing. It ain't a skill. It is A Kill...
And I would like to TAG Gayatri Gangsta Markiv and Nevermind and I will fight for World Peace...

The Rules are Simple
1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

SO Start Music... Dan danaka daka daka daka....

1. “If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”
Time - Hootie and the Blowfish " - Whatever they will make out of it.

2. “What would best describe your personality?”
Not The One - Collective Soul - Yeah I am not the bad one.

3. “What do you like in a guy/girl?”
Spiderman Theme - Aerosmith - Hmmmmmm Not a Spidey Fan

4. “How do you feel today?”
That Don't Impress me Much - Shania Twain - Yeah Nothing impresses me these days I am becoming a Slave Driver...

5. “What is your life’s purpose?”
Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams - Well I love listening to the song Was born 10 years later though.

6. “What is your motto?”
Tomorrow Never Dies - Theme Music - Why would it Die...Afterall Time and Tide wait for No One.

7. “What do your friends think of you?”
Aum Namah Shivayah - Alms for Shanthi - IS that what they think of me.I doubt it.

8. “What do you think of your parents?”
Jaded - Aerosmith - No Comments

9. “What do you think about very often?”
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne. - And Who is You. Shucks... Looks there should have been a you.

10. “What is 2+2?”
LIES - Diana King - That's right whatever the answer it is a LIE.

11. “What do you think of your best friend?”
In The End - Linkin Park - They Will be there right there at the end...

12. “What do you think of the person you like?”
We Will Rock You - Queen Yeah I really wanted to Rock Her... Till I realised... What did I realise????


13. “What is your life story?”
Funeral in Carpathia - Cradle of Filth - Am I gonna Die.Though Till now it has been more of a Funeral.

14. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm - Imagine my business Card Reads The Pseudonym - Smooth Criminal kewl with a Capital K

15. “What do you think when you see the person you like?”
Everything I do I do it for you. Who is this that I like? I generally Hate Everyone... Just Kidding.... Totally Dedicated to Friends.

16. “What do your parents think of you?”
Gettin' Jiggy With it. That I am Jiggy,Squigly

17. “What will you dance to at your wedding?”
Runaway - The Corrs Will not be Dancing, Will be Busy Running...

18. “What will they play at your funeral?”
Burning Bridges - Collective Soul Should it Not be More Like Burning The Nameless.

19. “What is your hobby/interest?”
St. Anger - Metallica Hmmmmm Interesting Hobby...Especially when you make a Saint out of it.

20. “What is your biggest secret?”
Beauty Slept in Sodom - Cradle of Filth Hmmmmm...... No Comments.

21. “What do you think of your friends?”
Tequila Sunrise - The Eagles Hah!!!! Yeah most of them can drink round the clock...

22. “What should you post this as?”
In The Summer Time - Shaggy - How apt for this Freakin' Hot Weather...

Birthday Wishes and Dreams

My Birthday is around the corner and there is a significance about the date. Yes thats right. Well that was the day the worlds greatest evil genius was born.... If, you know who it is then Claps... And a pat on the back. If not, you need to really brush up your General Knowledge...

 

I have a secret wish that no one knows of, atleast until now...I want to be a dictator. ( Till date I don't even dictate to a secretary, I do my own correspondence ) "So what can you do for this country?" you ask.

 

Here is a list of things that would happen...

 

• Police will be made to run and the corrupt ones shot all the way to hell. Courtesy Indian Army which will be under my command.
• Bus Drivers, Auto Drivers, Motorcyclists, Cyclists, Pedestrians breaking traffic rules and not respecting the fellow citizen will be dipped head first in hot wax and the hair waxed off their head.
• Only educated people will be allowed to enter politics and they will have to work their way to the top. They will start from being a clerk at my office.
• Terrorists will be given a packet of Original Thirunelveli Halwa and be asked to join the army as jawans, those who resist would be dipped head first in hot wax.
• Corrupt Officials would get a Citizens Arrest ( If there are citizen journalists then why not citizens arrest? )
• Farmers would really have their debts paid off but they will have to shift their way of farming and use the earthworm to plough the soil. Ox will not plough the fields they will help in drawing water from wells.
• Some villages still beat women, strip them naked and do all kinds of shit, such villages will be razed to the ground. if people can't stand up for their fellow citizen they are not fit to live.
• Wife Beaters, Child Molesters,Rapists, Drug Dealers Kidnappers, Dada, Underworld, Overworld, Picha Pakiris, Zam Bazzar Jakku's, Saidapettai Kokku's would be pardonned and given a chance to join the police those who resist will be given a molten steel bath...
• People who want to leave this country and become NRI's and eventually give birth to PBCD(Phoren Born Confused Desi) can gladly do so. But please leave with some dignity. Don't be forced to stand on platforms and beg for a Visa from some colorless ass.
• Prostitution will be made legal.And yes Service Tax will be applicable.
• Police will be on high alert, incase Jack the Ripper Strikes again.
• The judicial system will be fast tracked and if a case goes for appeal to a higher court of law then the judge who gave the judgement in the lower court will be given imposition and placed under the watchful eye of BIG Brother.
• Some news channels giving live news like Ms Karaana Kapoom is brushing her hair, cleaning her dog, drinking juice, eating food etc will be banned and their thumbs removed for good.
• People who urinate on roads will be castrated, as the thought of without the hanging there can be no banging is unthinkable.

 

Any attempts to assasinate me will be received well. But remember that at any given point I will have 5 people impersonating me. Ofcourse if you fail I will give you three more lives and make a game out of you.

 

Some facts about me.

 

1. I claim to be a vegetarian.

2. I used to have a Labrador named Hobbes and I used to play Calvin with him.

3. I don't understand the idea of marriage.

4. Drawing,Sketching, Painting,Photography,Swimming used to be my favourite activities.

5.I don't follow Cricket, Infact I don't follow any game.

6.I play Tennis and love the game to bits

7.I have ideas which can probably be funded only by the richest man in the world.

8.I don't pay alms to child beggars.

9.I don't pity anyone.

10. I have great friends, some as crazy as me.

11. I never wanted to leave this country.

12. I love anything blue.

13. I don't like cats.

14. I am a chocolate addict

14.5. I am turning double that number this year

15 I forget to wish people on their birthdays and anniversaries.

 

I do welcome gifts in any form. Just leave a comment and I will collect it from you personally. Don't forget it is April 20th.

 

"Self Publicity is Best Publicity"

The 6th Chennai Photowalk - The Photos

Wow!!! I just got back from the Sixth Chennai Photowalk(The Photos I clicked are Here). It was amazing not just because of the photos you take or the people you meet. It is an awesome experience because of the amount of fun you have and you do it at your own pace. (Did you know that Adam Sandler has sung a song "At a Medium Pace"? Only for the open Minded though). Everything was so cool the walk, the hassle by the cops, the people I met and of course the photo taking part itself. The weather was the only uncool factor actually.

Anyways the chennai photowalk has gained a lot of momentum and It feels good to just have fun in the sun. It reminded me of summer holidays during school when I would aimlessly roam the streets of Chennai in the hot sun. In fact I even met up with one of my old neighbours from Egmore, Aravind. Small World as he put it. There were Chandrachoodan, Jai, Aadisht, Vikram, Varun, Anand, Gayathri and lots and lots of people. By the time we were through with the walking and talking and photo taking we were so freakingly tired we had to take the MRTS (Mass Rapid Transport System) from Thiruvanmiyur to Kasturba Nagar. ( I was relieved to see my rickety old car still in place and not molested by any crooks)

Most people decided to head back home. But there were 6 famished people and we decided to eat at Anokhi's on Chamiers Road. So Fun and Food is such a deadly combo I am just gonna hit the bed nooooooowwwwwww............


Click Here for the Photos
Click Here for the News Article in Deccan Chronicle

Coming Up : What!!!! I can't take pictures of my City?

Lazy

I wanted to name this post Procrastination but was too lazy to type those letters out... Hmmm But I did actually end up typing it out. Lazy and now stupid. Well what do I say? I was checking out all the blogs that I have started to type out, but have actually not posted. I have about 20 posts in the making.

 

I don't know what to say... My 5th class Teacher Dolly David once told my mother "Your son is such a gentleman. But he is a very lazy fellow." My mom said "Oh madam, even when he was a kid he would be on his own, reading. He is as you said LAZY, and very anti social."

 

So the traits were there even when I was a baby. Why get agitated about what people have to say? Be lazy, it is the most selfish, self-centred thing you can do. But we have to be selfish to stay alive in the short term. Well if you wanna be an immortal, feel free to mail me at kumarbac [at] gmail [dot] com.

 

Should be back to lazing and continue being selfish. BYE!!!

6th Chennai Photowalk _ Starting on OMR

I kept reading about Chandrachoodan Gopalakrishnan from so many blogs and I have been reading his posts for about 3 Weeks now.And I do indeed find them very interesting. So when he called this month to take up our cameras and then go crazy on Old Mahabalipuram Road Starting at Madhya Kailash, I decided I gotta be doing this.

So I will be walking the walk and clicking the clicks. A Sunday that's gonna be spent well...

It is on April 13th 2008 starts at 0800hrs as of now. I will be there on time. What about you?

To Read Chandroo 's post announcing the Photowalk Click Here

Meet You All there...

Me - Conked... Zonked... Tonked...

So what's this conked word got to do with Me. I know... People who look chronically stoned should not be described with a minion word like Conked. But the fact remains that I got conked... First it happened yesterday. Then it happened today. I have been contemplating about dialling the magic number 100 (It's magical because the call lands in a police control room, where no one hears the phone ringing because they are busy with more important things.) and tell them I am Zonked. So what happened to me...

 

'Cause of my decreasing fitness levels I decided to revive playing tennis after 11 long years. So I pulled out my Rusty... (Sorry!!) Trusty Tennis Racquet (If you are wondering about the brand... It is a Wilson Nemesis) picked up my tennis shoes and enrolled myself in the TNTA Club in Egmore. My game has become a miniscule fraction of what it used to be. Changes... My body and mind were totally unfocussed.

 

Mind - Hey that's an easy forehand stroke.Why don't you pick it up and you know where to place it.

Body - Hey you think it is easy to even reach for the shot.

Mind - Of course man.

Body - Tell you what. you go play mental tennis.

Mind - And what are you gonna do?

Body - Those benches look comfortable, I am gonna go have a siesta.

Mind - Siesta is after a meal, usually in the afternoon.

Body - MIND your own business please. Don't teach me languages. Get lost.

But my mind has a mind of it's own. It made my body play for 60 long minutes. I love the game so much, that I have not complained to a soul about my body Aches.(Still ain't complaining, just blogging)

 

So it is the aches that make me feel Tonked off.

Yenna Daaktur Thambi...

Some friends stick with you since you were a child. Some join you when you are half way through life and yet they add that extra perspective and show that they care for you, even though you are such an ass.

 

My Australian Friend has left to take up permanent residency in Australia. Well he is not Aussie by birth, but he fell in love with that country and their cricket team. I was excited that he is leaving to take up residence there for the past couple of weeks that I wanted to make that movie with him. Of course I was gonna be the Director. Anyways that project never took off, probably never will.

 

Dai Doctor Thambi, Please take care of the white people, man. And yeah do send pics of some Good looking Aussie Chicks... Cheers Mate... And my best wishes for a great life ahead in Kangaroo Country.

Drink Baby Drink...

This picture has a zillion words to tell me. I have to organize my thoughts before putting them down. So while I do that please leave your thoughts in the comments section, ofcourse.

 

And They Meet - Chennai Bloggers Meet

A Party for Chennai Bloggers will happen on May 17th 2008, in Chennai of course. But the exact venue has not been decided as of now. Just CLICK HERE to register . They have a set agenda similar to the Bengaluru and Pune Meet. So being there with an open mind would definitely help. Do I have any Expectations? NO!!!! Life rocks this way... Blogs Rock...

And for the record... This Bloggers Meet has been suggested by Lemonade.

Working's at the Cinemas

Life sometimes throws you funnies so fast that you really can't catch them on media. Wish I had cameras for eyes and a Solid State Drive for a Brain. It would ofcourse limit my capabilities but you got to trade something, right... It is a silly thought and it just came out of my brain.

 

Was at the movies today (Sathyam Cinemas, Movie Vantage Point) As i walked in doing my funny Sunday walk (which amuses people endlessly) I found a huge crowd waiting to get into the multiplex. But the fierce looking guard was doing what he did best, give fierce menancing looks.But me being a fearless boy went upto him and presented my ticket and told him I wanted to get in... He took a look at the ticket and refused to let me in, saying that the movie is only at 1615hrs and it is just 1600 hrs, then he asked me to step aside. So, the gentleman, that I am, I stepped aside and decided to wait. The minute that decision was made the same fierce looking guard made an announcement "All Santham Ticket holders can now enter." So I went to him presented my ticket once again and asked him "You just told me seconds back that I could not enter, why would you do that?" to which he replied "Saar I can wonly give entry at currict time" I was stumped. If a down the hierarchy, fierce looking guard is seconds conscious, is he funny or is he being stupid? Whatever he is? I felt like becoming the high priest and sacrificing him At the Altar. But at that moment all I did was shrug my shouders, winked at the girl who was right behind me(she thought I was blinking at her.) Later I overheard her conversing with her friend, in the lobby, about my incident with the guard and having a good laugh.

 

It was then that I realised that what had just happened to me, with the guard, was a rip-off from the final scenes of Meet The Parents. The scene where Ben Stiller is made to wait at the airport boarding point.

 

I am sure that it just shows us how a professionally run organisation can be really funny, Funny as in Stupid Funny. Now I have to figure out who to send this to at Satyam Cinemas...

No Weight On The Lap...

Madeela ganam illai...

The idea for this post was suggested by my dear friend/cousin Prabhu. He says "As a married man, I have let the skeletons out of my closet." i.e."Madeela Ganam Illa."

I hired Detective Wa Ching Yu from Osaka Moria, a country which is... (Oh I forgot I can't give you the exact location. Hint: It is an island in the Secret Japan Sea.) He was to give me a report if my cousin had any weight in his lap or not.

So after several months he gave me his report, I opened it while juggling my heart and eyeballs(gross!!!) on the tip of my tongue(Grosser!!!But Very talented,right?????) Was it going to be photos of him with his mistress, or maybe a secret rendez-vous with an old girlfriend or still worse pics and audio clippings of his alcholic ravings or maybe pictures of him killing the college boys next door. Now I was starting to sweat because of my tongue juggling act and decided to see what I had in my hand. My eyeballs tossed away from the tip of my tongue, when I looked at the pictures and I had a hard time putting my heart in it's place, they were just pictures of pussies. One Black pussy, One Brown and White mixed Pussy... I played the audio tape and all it had was some groaning and mewing sounds. I swear they sounded like tracks from the Group Type O Negative

I was really pissed off with Detective Wa Ching Yu. The guy had ripped me off monetarily and given me Pussy Photos. So after a bit of my own investigation into the issue, it was found out that my cousin was bringing up these young pussies as pets. But they seemed untamed. Infact the black pussy seemed to be staring at me, right out of the photo.

So since my plan to start a mini war between Him and His Wife failed due to lack Ganam in his madi, I have also had to stall my plans to replicate the same idea on a larger scale, to start World War 4 a.k.a. Nuclear Holocaust 1...

But I am watching him closely. I have even promised to buy his wife a "Jalli Karandi", so that he does not err in his ways. But he is a simple guy and his wife a smart girl so I hope she does not read this because that jalli karandi might be thrown at me, for my stalled plans to start WW4.

As for Detective Wa Ching Yu, I have hired Wa Ching Him to give me a report on his where abouts.

P and VP - This husband and wife pair are one amongst the few wonderful married couples I know. I wish them to enjoy life to it's fullest.(Shit!!! That sounded like I am rating them. I promise I did not wanna sound like that.)

Gabtun and the Space Shuttle...

Ever since I started liking our captain for his humor I have been wanting to go and interview him. So when I got an oppurtunity a few days back... I decided to make use of the knock on my door.

 

Issue was Captain's Arasangam team was refused to shoot at Chennai Airport. Captain was in a mixture of moods. It was fun watching him go through all of them.

 

Let's go to the interview...

 

A - Aravind

C V - Captain Vijaykanth

 

 

A - Yenna Captain ippadi panitanga???

 

C V - Naan NASA'la besi Space Shuttil'a Vaadagaiyuku eduka boren. Blus sum sooting in Houston, NASA base.

 

A - But captain, Space shuttle'a vaadagaiyuku kuduka maatanga and I doubt if they will even let you take a look at it...

 

C V - Adhu ennaku dheriyum. Nee romba overa besura, naan yen meesaiya murukinna...dheriyumla...

 

A - Ayyo andha padam paatha en veetu velakaran mental ayuttan.

 

C V - Dai neenga ellam enna gaeli bannunga da.Aana andha vaadaga sbase suttil'a otta Air Deccan Captain Gopinatha vellaiku vaika boren...

 

A - Ayyo, Vendam Avaru flight ottira captain...Pilot Captain

More over Neengalum Captain Avarum Captain Don't you think too many captains will crash land the plane.

 

C V - Dai naan Gabtun, avan Captain, indha vithyasame theriyama entrview edukka vandhiya.

 

At this point, captain got visibly angry. His left eyebrow and right eyebrow started dancing, His eyes started getting redder and avar left leg flight body maela vachi right leg'ala ennai sulati sulati adika try pannaru but he fell down and started wailing (it sounded like a gorilla and cat, sound remixed)

 

C V - Airport'la shooting dhan edukka vidala, adikavadhu vidalamla.

 

A - Sorry Gabtun enna yellam adika mudiyadhu, yenna ennaku unga sulati sulati adikra technique theriyum.Ha ha ha

Thanks for the interview Captain... oh sorry Gabtun...

 

C V - Yen da, enna romba feel banna vaikira. AAUNnnn...

The Bald Story - Final Parting

Click Here if you have not read The Bald Story - Part 1

...Contd

So Several Doctors later,having been through a lot of medicines, nurses (fantasies ha ha ha), hospitals, and clinics I put my foot down and told my parents that I preferred my bald look. They were not very happy about it. But because of the fact that I lived 2200 kms away from them they could not do much.

So those who know me from my Delhi days, know me as Aravind with head clean shaven. Well, I did realize though that shaving my head on a daily basis was proving to be expensive, so got a barber kit, and taught myself to shave.

Finally when I shifted base to Chennai and started living with my parents, I was forced to have my present look.(I rebelled for 4 years) Me and my Amma had this conversation one Sunday in 2007

A - Me

M - Amma (My Mom)

A - Amma naan innaiku poi mottai adikha poren...

M - Dai, onnum vendam. gammunu iru. Indha mudiya ponnu veetukaranga kitta kamikanum.

A - Ennadhu, Indha chinna vayasula ennaku kalyanama???

M - Dai Ponnu veetila irundhu, ona paaka varanga.

A - Eppo?

M - Ippo...

A - Ayyo!!!!

M - So readya irru...

A - Yenkitta yen sollala.(giving my mom my best pavam look, but that look turned out to be worse than Goundamani's romantic look)

Now I was shit scared. My thoughts at that moment... I will get sacrificed...sorry... married At The Altar and then become a henpecked husband. (Since I don't eat hens, I don't take kindly to "henpeckings") OMG I can't be getting jittery like this. Dai Aravind you have to turn the table... So I told my Amma

A - Seri ma, naan mottai ellam adikala.But what time will those people be visiting us?

M - At 1000 hrs.

A - Confirmed dhana. No changes.

M - OK they said around 1000hrs.Please don't give them your punctuality talk if they are late.

A - No ma will not do anything like that.I am going to have my bath. Please call me when they arrive. Don't disturb me before that.

M - Dai nee pesaradha paatha, ennamo plan pannra madhiri theriyudhu.

(She has noticed the change in my tone. And has also realised that I am agreeing to whatever she says)

A - OK please disturb pannadhinga.

M - Seri da poi kuli.

A - OK bye... bye...

(Entered my room and locked the door)

I was inside till about 12 noon. Had to even skip breakfast.I really wanted to tell those ponnu veetukaranga that 12 noon is not around 1000hrs. But when my mom saw me she was so stunned... I mean, she could'nt believe her eyes...But it was too late for anything to be done to fix it. He He He...

What did I do?No I had not done anything illegal, just shaved off my mustachio and left my goatee intact...There were some wild whisperings among the visitors, that I had embraced Islam... Some even whispered about how my locality was filled with rowdy elements.(Most of these ponnu pakradhu,mapillai pakaradhu is to eat good food.And make comments, which shows their ignorance) No one had much to say to me...( I had pulled it off again. Dai Nee Killadi da. No No Khiladiyon ka Khiladi.)

As confused as a drunk duck

Sometimes you go watch a movie, go home and can't figure out how to classify the movie. Was it Funny??? Was it a wee bit twisted???I can't find the right words to describe what I saw today.

I did realize one thing though, I laugh at the weird jokes. People are sitting and watching the villain say "Hello Hello" into his phone at the beginning of a conversation and "OK OK" as he finishes it. I am laughing in my seat, there are tears coming out of my eyes, I would have rolled on the ground with laughter, if there had been enough space** to do so. I look around as I wipe the tears of laughter. No one else seems to be laughing.

Flashback, (Please take a Tortoise mosquito coil and swirl it around for the proper effect.) Almost 22 years ago. Some Cinema Hall playing Laurel & Hardy or Charlie Chaplain movies. A younger, leaner and head full hair version of me is watching the movie. The joke is over, people have stopped laughing but there I am bent over in my seat and laughing. Tears coming out of my eye. But yes, then there was space** to roll on the ground and laugh, and yes I have rolled.

A lot of me has changed. But I let myself go when I have to laugh. It keeps the insane side of me sane and I am happy about it.

My loudest laughter was when I laughed in my Seventh class. The History master always pronounced Pharaoh as Pharodah*** and I would laugh, so one day the annoyed master pulled up, a laughing me by the ear and said "Watt are you finding funny, I tell you watts funny? Tomorrow you bring eggs to class,place them under your buttocks, and they will hatch into colour colour chickens." I asked "Master, what color chicks do you want? Black, White, or Yellow." and then burst out laughing. I laughed so hard that the Principal had to announce on the Public Address System, "The student who laughed so hard that it has caused mild tremors in Egmore area, please report to my office immediately." So I went and reported army style "Good Morning father. X reporting father. I was the epicentre of those tremors, father. It measured a 3 on the Richter and I apoligise for causing it father." Princi goes "Are you trying to be funny?" I say "No father I was just reporting to you father, since you wanted me to report father." Father finally said "Suspended till end of week"

That was the first of my Million plus visits to the principal's office. But each time it was because I laughed at the wierdest things.

**Space in cinema halls have become so cramped that I don't have the freedom of movement. So I try to avoid going to the cinemas. Real Estate Prices and population Rises are the cause for the cramped space today.

***When I was in my Eleventh class I asked my History Master why he pronounced Pharaoh as Pharodah? and he told me how he studied in a Tamil Medium School and in Tamil, Pharoah is pronounced as Pharodah. (I have not been able to verify it.Any truth in it????)

"Am not an athlete nor am I a rat to run races. I do it My Own Way (MOW), Just MOWing." - My Words.

Strange...

It has been quite some time since I wrote anything here. But my blog is all I can think of all the time. It is like one of those mistresses I used to have. I just could'nt stop seeing or thinking about her.

A lot seems to have happened during this time. Valentines day, Raj Thackeray;s arrest, Chennai IPL renamed as Chennai Super Kings. I have stopped going to the one place where I used to sit and write and have loads of coffee. I have been trying to get into a stock broking house, to enhance my knowledge and also to join a few courses relating to capital markets.

So strange that I am shifting careers at this stage in my life. But some like it planned, I like to test new waters, venture into areas which are hidden. I might fail and fall, but life is too risky, if we don't do anything with it. RIGHT. So wish me luck as I step into the unknown and do what I do best. KICK ASS.

P.S.: Did I say something about a mistress. Not my mistress.Am too broke to have one. But even if I had the money, I don't think they are worth it. Money is my elusive mistress.

The Bald Story - Part 1

Why do people find bald people funny? No, they don't find them funny. They are simply jealous that they can't feel the wind blowing directly on their heads.

I started losing hair as early as when I was 15 yrs old. But who cared about such things, at that age.

So by the time I had finished college, my hairline was going
North. My parents became worried that I will lose it all soon and they started taking me to Doctors. Derma... whatever they are called. The first person I visited* told me about hair loss and blah blah blah, he also prescribed some medicines. Lotion, tablets, oinments, a huge list. (What a waste of paper?) So I got the medicines from Muthu Pharmacy in Chetpet and then dumped them in the Cooum River.(I was not eco-friendly then) Then my mom bought the medicines again and made me take them religiously. Well it was a nice way to show off my tablet eating talent. There were about 5 pills for the morning, I would chew on them and have them without any water. (I know I should have a freak show of my own).Anyways with all the pill popping, everyone kept telling that hair seemed to be growing out of my head. Then one day I saw the "Say No to Drugs" ad on T.V. and I said "bye, bye pills" and this time I dumped the strips in the Adyar River. (Still not eco friendly)

Then it was time for me to do the disappearing act. So I disappeared in Chennai and resurfaced in Delhi. 2 years of Non-stop bliss. I started shaving the hair on my head. Girls loved my bald, badass, bindaas look and I always had some girl who would want to touch my bald head. (Hmmmmm... Girls have such soft hands.) Girls always wanted to do some project with me. He he he. So lots of projects and lots of girls. It was fun while it lasted.

But my parents still could not see a lost cause when they saw one. So they took me to the next doctor during one of my vacations. This doctor is on P.H.Road Chennai. He took, what he could, of my hair and then sent it for testing. (God knows what they test for!!!) So when I visited him next he said, "You have Male Pattern Baldness, Type 5" (So now they had classifications. Looked like those Derma whatevers had decided in their Maanadu to classify baldness) Then he gave me the pep talk, "Nothing to worry about, Aravind" I told him "Ayyo, Doctor Naan kavalai paddalai"("Oh Doctor I am not worried"). He gave me a pitiful look and continued "I will give you a shampoo, wooden comb and special soap." I asked "Doctor, how much is it gonna cost me?" He gave me a figure in thousands. So I told him "Sorry, doc thats a lot of money. I want you to understand that I am only losing my hair and not my brain" He did not seem to understand the funniness(new word), so he went on with his blah blah blah. By now I was checking out the hot nurse, yes she was steaming hot. I knew from the look on her face that she wanted to feel my head. So I gave the doctor the money for the stuff, he wanted to sell to me, just so that I could go with the hot nurse to pick it up from the store room. So now I was fantasizing about me the nurse and the store room. Wow a threesome!!! Yeah but it just stayed a fantasy, cause the nurse stepped out alone, got the stuff from the store and gave it to my mom who was in the lobby.Now I realized why doctors hire, Hot Mallu Women as nurses. It is just to rob people like me. That's when I started hating Doctors.

To be continued...

* I visit doctors, I don't consult them. Just visit them and say "Hey doc! Good to see you.I wanted to make sure your children get a good education, that your wife has fun losing money at kitty parties and that you have good food to eat and that you are not riding all the white skirts." then I donate some money for him. I am a practising Socialist. And one day I am gonna be... Wait for it... Coming out in a moment...

LEGENDARY.

BALD HEADED MEN is a song by Christine Lavine here are the lyrics...

I don't like men who exaggerate
about the places they've been
about the money they've made
I like a man who's honest and true
You can look him in the eye
When he's talking to you
I like men who accept who they are
Not everyone can look like a movie star
If you can follow this thought
to it's logical end
You can see why I like bald-headed men
. . . ooh, I like bald-headed men
Everyone knows that it's testosterone
that turns bushy-haired men into a chrome dome
But testosterone is what makes a man a man
The more that he's got the more that he can
Do the things that make the women go "Oy!"
I'll take the bald-headed man over a big-haired boy
Big-haired boys make very good friends
But they cannot compare to bald-headed men
I've said it before
I'll say it again
I like bald-headed men
So why did you waste your money
joining that hair club for guys?
Oh, why would you cover your manly badge of honor
with such a bad disguise?
Oh, why would you throw away money on Rogaine and Minoxidil?
When all they can guarantee are years and years of pharmacy bills
. . . please don't do it!
I believe the hair replacement industry for men
is like the cosmetic industry for women
A giant black hole that will suck your money away
for the rest of your life
. . . please don't do it!
No matter how you fight it, time marches on
Some new things appear, some old things are gone
Let it move - - it's a natural thing
Like a leaf on a tree or a bird on a wing
Try looking in your mirror from a whole different place
You're not losing hair, you're gaining face
Be confident! Be cool! It won't be long when
You are bound to be one of the bald-headed men
Said it before
I'll say it again
I love bald-headed men

Jab they Shaadhied

Sunaina and Venu got married. February 1st 2008.Am Very happy. Very happy. Enjoyed the wedding. Well I should hopefully remember their anniversary every year. "Mrs. and Mr. Venugopal",surely has a nice ring to it.

Here is wishing the two of you "My Wishes for a Wonderful Life Ahead."

P.S.: I am so excited that they got married that my thoughts are going through an upheavel and I am wondering "Mera number kab aayega?" But that's so against my principles of marriage. Again, maybe someday, I will get married, against my principles but with my will.

BP, with Shakeela and Tequila

The Bachelors Party (BP in short)

Members present - Balachander, Aravind

Ex- Members present - Naveen, Binoy

Drinks that flowed - J and B rare Whisky, Chivas Regal, Real Grape Juice, Mango Frooti.

Strippers - Venugopal and Shakila

Keeping in line with tradition, we changed the party venue a few times to ensure that unwanted creatures did not present their faces for the free booze and also Shakila's strip show.

The party started with some beautiful moves by Venugopal who stripped all the way to his underwear(Read Jatti) while we all cheered on for him to remove this last piece of clothing to symbolise his freedom from Bachelorhood, Venu backed off saying that he could not go all the way. But still Awesome show dude.

So once that was over, we all sat and poured out drinks Whisky for some and fruit juices for non drinkers, while we waited for Kerala Porn Queen of Several Years the one and only Shakila.

Shakila arrived with a bottle of Tequila. That was her gift for Venu. So we named the show "BP with Shakila and Tequila" What we did not realise, till late in the show was that Shakila is surely no Shakira and yes Hips don't Lie. We regretted the strip show, though Venu enjoyed it a lot. Why did you like her Venu? Is it because she fueled all your dirty fantasies? Since the rest did not want to see the stripping action, we got into a discussion if a woman's madippu can be co-related to her age

We finally devised a formula by which we can calculate the age of a woman by the number of Madippu she has on her hip.

If Madippu is m and age in years is x then

x = 5.725m

Balachander tried counting the number of Madippus Shakila has, he got lost in them and ended up losing his mind. So that made Shakila ageless. 2 guys(Names witheld) couldn't take the lethal combo, of unlimited Shakila madippu and unlimited Tequila shots. Too bad guys you missed out some of the action.

'Twas lots of fun for me. Ate good food at Mainland China. But I hated that guy who served us with a stupid smile on his face. The girl I saw when I stepped out of the elevator was hot. So hot that I burned my tongue.( I was drinking soup, thinking about her.) What did you think?

So that was a successful party organised by The Bachelor Club. I would like to thank the host Venugopal for arranging Shakila Chechi, the Amazing food at Mainland China and also the wonderful strip show in which we found out that Venugopal has an amazing pair of bazookas.

Cheers Venu, you are a wonderful sport man, you always take things in the right sense. This was probably the last time you saw Shakila Chechi nude. I know, you enjoyed her immensely. No more Bachelors party for you. No, I will not be letting you come for my parties in future. You have become an uncle now. And the next time you come visiting me, get me some nice chocolates.

P.S.: Yeah even though the post is Named the way it is named. I have kept references to Shakila and the Tequila to a bare minimum, because otherwise the truth would unleash a scandal.

P.P.S: Well, the secret, There was no Tequila or Shakila. But it is true that Venu stripped. He He He... Dai Sudarmani brand Jatti pottukittu enna attagasam panna...

Who is Venugopal?

Venu is my Brother and was an active member of "The Bachelors Club" He was the kid of the club, until he was kicked out ceremoniously on November 1st 2007.

Even though we KICKed him out literally he landed on his fat ass and did not whimper even a bit. "Kudos Mate" So in appreciation of the kicks that we gave him, he hosted this bachelor's party.

Other Related Posts

Jab they Shaadhied
When Venu Met Sonu